Two - A Supposed Oneshot
by Civic31
Summary: This story starts at the end. Or if you want to be precise, the beginning. But in this case, the beginning of the end is the end of the beginning. This story starts with death. Or if you want to be precise, life. But in this case, life hovers on the brink of death and somewhere in between. This story starts with one. Two ones. But in this case, two ones can never be one whole two.
1. Chapter 1

My stakes in claim mean nothing. My attempts of possession are in vain.  
I am just a servant to all words, destined to be a master of none.

-Disclaimer-

* * *

**Two  
*****The Antlers*  
****Chapter 1**

* * *

_In the middle of the night  
__I was sleeping sitting up,  
__When a doctor came to tell me,  
__"Enough is enough."_

* * *

Kagome

"What are you doing?!"

Miroku's probably staring at Inuyasha with a disgusted look on his face. I can hear it in his voice; his tone is passive but filled with rage. I've never heard him like this before. I mean, it's happened so many times before that really it shouldn't be a surprise. But Miroku's never been this passionate about it. He's never shown this much emotion. It doesn't even really have anything to do with him, but here he is anyways, taking a stand.

And it makes me wonder, why does he care so much? Have I been that transparent? Has it always been this obvious? How much it affects me? How much it hurts? I've been so caught up in my own emotions lately that I've failed to realize how much it was affecting the people in my life.

Except now I can see. Miroku's not happy. You can tell right off the bat. Just 1 simple question, yet the conviction behind it relays so much more than the words themselves do.

And I can tell. I can tell he's not happy. And coming from a guy who can smile and laugh as he gets slapped for grabbing yet another girl's ass; it's kinda scary.

Is it really that bad? I'm dealing with it. Not with a smile on my face, but I'm dealing. But then that begs the question, where does happiness fit in? Because Miroku's not happy. And I don't think I'm happy either.

Because you're supposed to smile when you're happy. I don't even remember the last time I smiled. It's been months, almost half a year since I've given a smile away to brighten someone else's day. And it sucks to know that I can't even offer someone a smile. It's depressing to think that all I can do is bring people down to my own miserable level.

People laugh when their happy. God knows I wish I could. Just once, I'd like to laugh because I mean it. Because the hysterical chuckles that occasionally escape me are not laughter. They're merely masks to hide the pain. And they're starting to crack under the pressure. Pretty soon, people will be able to tell something's wrong … if they haven't already. Because people who are happy can generally tell when somebody else isn't feeling the same way. Happiness is the only disease we ever wish to incur, because when you're happy, you're free. Free from disappointment. Free from misery. Free.

But people who are free aren't supposed to want to stop breathing. People who are free never end up passing out as they hold their breaths, surrendering to the darkness. They don't starve themselves.

And I can't stop. I want to. I want to be able to stop the world for just a moment, stop the ever-present ache in my heart. But I can never seem to reach that point.

"I can't believe you."

Miroku's voice pierces through my thoughts and I'm drawn back to my phone.

"Do even know what you're doing to her? Every time you leave like this? She -"

"I'm not stupid Miroku!" Inuyasha's voice cuts into Miroku's. "I know it hurts her! Do you think I don't see it? The tears? Do you think I can't hear her crying every time I come back? Do you think I'm blind? Or deaf? Do you?"

"Yeah, I think you are." Miroku retorts. "You are totally blind to what you're doing to that poor girl. You don't see the look that flashes in her eyes when you leave. You don't have to face those sad little smiles of hers whenever someone mentions your name. You don't know what it's like when you're not there, because that's just it. You're never there."

I gasp loudly. Hearing the words come out from someone else's mouth hurts like a bitch. Because it's the truth. And it's been staring down everyone else in the face, clear as day. I thought I was hiding it. I thought it was impossible to see. Turns out, I haven't been hiding it properly at all.

The sound of glass shattering reaches my ears, followed by a thump. Inuyasha must've thrown something. A few footsteps later, all I hear is silence. Until…

"What do you want me to do about it Miroku? I love Kikyo. And I love Kagome too. But she can't be depending on me like this." I hear Inuyasha whisper her name, drowning out my own. And then the words surrounding the names start to filter through my head, dropping into place.

Cue the tears.

Miroku pipes in again. "Inuyasha? She's your best friend. She just lost her mother. You're supposed to be consoling her. I shouldn't have to tell you this."

"Don't you think I know that?" Inuyasha growls back at him, his voice raw. "Don't you think I want to more than anything? But I have a life! A life with Kikyo. We're engaged, don't you get it?"

Knees giving in, I drop. And sitting outside on the pavement near the employee door, I can do nothing more than let the tears fall. Puddles of my grief begin to form around me. Anyone who walks and turns to look down the alley can see me blubbering. But I don't care. The door that's cracked open behind me carries sounds from the busy coffee shop, and order after order rings through, but I make no motions to move. Everything just sort of falls away as his words repeat in my head.

And I can hear Miroku's voice pick up again, continuing to fight for me, continuing to demand answers for me, but his words no longer reach my ears.

"She thinks I've been cheating on her."

All of a sudden I find myself grasping the phone tightly, practically crushing it in my hand.

"With Kagome. And I tried to convince her she was wrong. I tried to tell her there was nothing between me and Kagome, that she's only my best friend since forever. But you know Kikyo, her trust is so hard to earn. And even harder to keep. So she gave me an ultimatum: move to France with her, or break the engagement… And I don't know what to do Miroku. I don't think I can live without her in my life."

"She's giving you an ultimatum?!" Miroku asks incredulously. I can just picture him in my head, whirling around, grabbing Inuyasha's shoulders and shaking him as he speaks.

"Are you even listening to a word you're saying?! Your best friend's mother just died in a car crash 2 months ago, her grandfather just a few months before that and you're thinking of leaving her?! During the time that she needs you the most?!" Miroku's yelling now, getting increasingly louder with each sentence.

"What do ya want from me Miro –"

But Miroku's not done yet.

"And what do you mean move to France?! You don't even know how to speak proper English! How the fuck do you think you're gonna learn fucking French?!"

Oh wow. He's swearing. This is a whole new level of Miroku that I've never personally come across. It's nice to know someone's on my side. Even if it's not the one person that counts.

"It doesn't even mat –"

"And let's forget about your own personal wants for a minute, you selfish bastard! What about Kagome?! How can you do this to her?! She's got no one! Everyone in her family is now gone except for her little brother that she now has to support and comfort on her own, plus her adopted son and you're gonna up and leave her? Her best friend, the one person who should be there for her the most is going to leave –"

"I KNOW! I know Kagome needs me!" Inuyasha roars, his voice the only thing I can focus on. And with those words, comes hope. And that hope fills me and rejuvenates me and returns the feeling back to my body, giving me the will to stand up again because I've got my lifeline back.

But just as quickly, I lose it. All I can do is watch as Inuyasha cuts the precious thread that binds us to one another with his next words.

"But I love Kikyo. And if she leaves me, I'll have nothing. And then, who's gonna comfort me? How will I be able to comfort anyone, let alone Kagome, if I'm not gonna have anyone to comfort me?"

Silence fills the air, and I think for a moment that I've dropped the call. That maybe Miroku realized his phone was on, and that I could hear the entire conversation. Because, do I really want to know the outcome of this argument?

And it's then when it crosses my mind. I'm not supposed to be hearing this conversation. But what's a girl to do when someone pocket dials her and mentions her name? Curiosity killed the cat, and I guess there's more that rubbed off on me than just Buyo's solitary nature.

"Do you see what I'm seeing right now Inuyasha? Because I don't think you do." Miroku's voice is monotone. The difference between his last spoken words to now is overwhelming. It's like he's shut himself down.

But still, he continues. "God, you don't have a fucking clue do you? You're so self-centered, you don't even give a damn about anyone else's feelings! Did you ever think about what will happen to Kagome when you leave? Like maybe about how much this is going to affect her? Do you even care?"

"Of course I do! But I don't want to lose Kikyo, Miroku. I can't. I don't want to have to deal with the pain." Inuyasha says roughly, his voice raspy and thick with emotion.

The phone starts to slip through my fingers. I can't find the strength within myself to hold it up anymore. And as it slides out of my grip, tumbling and twirling to the ground, the last words I hear come from Miroku.

"I don't even know who you are right now. Because the Inuyasha I know wouldn't be able to say something like that. But think about this, Inuyasha. When you're off living the good life in fucking France, Kagome is going to be here, battered and broken, with no one to turn to. Which is kind of like how it is right now anyways, right? Because you might still be here, but you might as well be in France for all I care."

And with that it seems Miroku's finally given up. And for good reason too, because Inuyasha's just gone and done it. He's decided. And now he's leaving. He's leaving me for her. And I guess I knew it would happen at some point. It was inevitable I suppose. But denial is a beautiful thing. It has to be, if it can create such beautiful and distracting lies.

The phone finally succumbs to the will of gravity, clattering to the ground. I follow it, back against the wall as I slump down. The reverberating echo of plastic hitting conglomerate is all that I register. And I wouldn't be surprised if the noise made it through to Miroku's end. Maybe they'll finally realize that somebody can hear every goddamned word that they're saying.

And after a few seconds, they do.

"Shit!"

I bring my hands to cover my face as Miroku's voice emanates from the cell phone below me.

"Oh fuck. Kagome? Kagome! Are you there? Can you hear… Oh shit. Did you hear all that, Kagome?"

But I don't respond. I just sit there in the back of the alley, slouched beside the garbage bins, and cry. Because that's all I am. Garbage. Something that once was attractive and useful, but all-in-all is nothing more than waste that is destined to be left behind on a curb.

And nobody cries over garbage. Nobody, but the garbage itself.

* * *

**A/N:** This was originally going to be a oneshot. But, apparently I like to ramble on and on and on when I get in an angsty mood and so, now it's not. Estimated length is 41 chapters of varying length and expect multiple POV's. This one is kinda of special to me, which will be elaborated on at the last chapter so I'd really appreciate feedback.

_Drop me a line._


	2. Chapter 2

My stakes in claim mean nothing. My attempts of possession are in vain.  
I am just a servant to all words, destined to be a master of none.

-Disclaimer-

* * *

**Two  
*****The Antlers*  
****Chapter 2**

* * *

_He brought me out into the hall  
__(I could have sworn it was haunted),  
__And told me something that  
__I didn't know that I wanted_

* * *

Miroku

"She hasn't been sleeping. From a professional standpoint, looking at these results she hasn't been able to for awhile. But from a personal point of view, I think we already knew this. All of us have realized that something has not been right with her for a long time," I say with tired eyes.

I set my clipboard down on an empty chair and turn to look at everyone in the hall.

"I think we should sit down," I mumble, wincing at my words.

The look in my eyes must be horrible. I can't believe that I have to be the one to tell them. Why is the world so cruel? And why is Kagome in this position in the first place? What did she do in a past life to deserve this? There's no way she did anything in this life that constitutes this kind of pain. She was always too kind for her own good.

Which is why I know she never meant to put me in this situation. She never meant for me to carry such a burden; never meant to put the weight of her world on my shoulders. But somebody's got to do it. Somebody's got to deliver the truth, because she can't do it anymore. She can't do anything anymore. It's too late for that. We were too late for that.

"This is entirely your fault, Inuyasha!" Sango glares right at him, tears forming in her eyes.

I wish she wasn't crying because of Kagome. I wish she wasn't saying those words. But there is some truth to them. And if anyone knows how much the truth hurts, it's me. Because right now, I'm the only one who knows the truth about Kagome. Right now, I'm the only one who has the ability to make each and every person's life in here implode.

I stare down the hall connecting to the lounge, biding time. Watch as the nurses' flit from one room to the next. Gaze at visitors who walk by us, not once glancing in the window of Room 124 to see the fragile girl lying on the bed. They're too preoccupied with finding their own loved ones, there's no space for them to find any sympathy for her.

And I know for a fact that there is nobody else who's coming to see her. Everyone in her life that truly cares about her is already here. Just 5 people, with a few stragglers along for the horrible ride. But when I think about it, the hallways should be filled. They would be filled too, with people pouring out onto the street if every person who she ever affected knew what was wrong.

But the world doesn't work like that. If it did, she wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

I'm wasting time. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Once I open my mouth, everything is gonna go to Hell.

I shift my vision back to the people seated around me. My eyes fall on Sango first. She's so strong, but even she can't hold back the tears that are born from seeing the girl who's like a sister to her lying on a hospital bed, lifeless. God it hurts just looking at her. I wish I could take her pain away, dry the tears in her eyes before they fall onto these dirty hospital floors. I would do anything to make her stop crying. Anything.

She's got her arms around Shippo and Souta, always the doting aunt even in the face of disaster. Shippo's crying too, and rightly so. Ever since he walked in on her he's been a mess. I can't imagine what the poor kid is going through. To walk in on your mother figure and try to wake her up, only to find no matter what you do, she just won't open her eyes…

And Souta's just out of it. Kagome means the world to him. She's all he's got left. And barely so right now. That's why I don't wanna say anything; because once I start he's gonna break. I can see it in his unresponsive gaze, his rigid stance. He shouldn't have to go and lose another family member. He shouldn't be staring off into space right now, eyes frozen and unblinking at the health poster above Kaede's seat.

Speaking of Kaede, she's looking pretty concerned too. Kaede is just her boss and next-door neighbour but you can tell Kagome's affected her a lot. Her face is pale with bags under her eyes; she's as concerned as the rest of us.

Well, maybe not as much as one of us. Inuyasha's got his face in his hands, and he's barely holding it together. I've never seen him so close to tears before. It's gut-wrenching to look at. He's slightly shaking too, although you wouldn't realize it unless you stared at his hand clutching Kikyo's.

I'm kind of shocked that she's here actually. But her sister is here. And she's got a heart too I guess, even though it's her heart that's bound to be part of the cause of this problem in the first place. But she's been here as long as we have, ever since Kagome was found, so I'll give her that much.

"Miroku, cut it out with this bullshit and quit stalling." Inuyasha's feeble voice cracks in the middle of his sentence.

And I realize that I can't postpone this any longer. Because this is it; this is the moment of truth. All I can do to prepare myself is inhale, take a deep breath and then shoot one quick glance at the closed door of Room 124 before I begin.

* * *

_Drop me a line._


	3. Chapter 3

My stakes in claim mean nothing. My attempts of possession are in vain.  
I am just a servant to all words, destined to be a master of none.  
-Disclaimer-

* * *

**Two  
*****The Antlers*  
****Chapter 3**

* * *

_To hear:_

* * *

Miroku

People don't generally listen to themselves talk. It's an odd thing to do. Sure people might pay attention to the words they speak or the meaning behind them from time to time, but to actually listen to yourself say the words, hear your own voice and watch how much power your own vocal chords have over others… nobody does that these days.

And I'll be the first to admit, I don't think I've ever done it before. But being a doctor, illness just doesn't hold much meaning when you spend your days handing out timestamps for death.

Singers on the other hand, they do it all the time. Every time they share their gift with the world, they're listening to themselves. Maybe it's the music that moves them; or perhaps it's the lyrics they sing. No matter what, a small part of them is dedicated to just listening to their own voices and revelling in the power they hold. Not to lord it over others, although it does have the capability of doing so, but rather to bask in the peace they bring themselves.

Kagome was like that. She could sing. It was her lifelong dream and the only selfish notion she ever had. Because she didn't sing for others; she sang for herself. It was just a bonus that what made her happy, made others happy at the same time.

And right now, as I listen to myself speak, she's the person who's giving me strength. Because without her I would never have the courage to say these words; it's her spirit which is holding me up right now. It's her essence which lets me open my mouth and reveal the truth. And it's her life on the line which is making it so hard not to cry, as my voice signals the start of the apocalypse.

Sango

Miroku's words don't register at first. But eventually they start to trickle down to the rational part of my brain that deals with language and communication. It's like all I hear is static, but then little by little the reception gets better and then the message becomes clear.

Kagome's in a coma. A coma. Why is it that every word that evokes sadness and misery is always 4 letters long? Love. Hate. Pain. And now, coma. Give me a moment so that I can add it to the list.

We shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be here. She's too good for this. Good. Another one for the list. Because that word is what's making me shudder as I try not to sob. Good is what's causing me to fail horribly at hiding my tears right now. (Fail. It even shares the first letter of four).

I have to be a good person, an adult who can be a pillar of strength for the people around me. I have to try not to show the pain I'm in for the sake of the 2 little boys in my arms.

Sake. Another damn four-letter word that is to blame. Because Kagome always did everything for the sake of others, never herself. The sacrifice she was willing to give for other people is truly amazing. I don't know anyone with that kind of selflessness. But look at what that sacrifice has done to her now.

Kagome was the epitome of good. But I guess it's true when they say that for anything good in this world there is always a cost.

Cost. 4 letters.

God, I hate that number.

Shippo

Everybody's crying. And it's making me cry even more.

Usually when I cry, I run out of tears. Mom holds me tight, hugging me and then she gives me a kiss and everything gets better. Every time Inuyasha whacks me on the head for changing the TV channel, all Mom has to do is give me a quick hug and everything gets better. Every time I get a boo-boo when I'm playing outside Mom just kisses it and everything gets better.

But this time Mom's the one with a boo-boo. And I tried to kiss her better. I tried to hug her better. I held her real tight too. But it didn't work. She wouldn't open her eyes.

At first I thought she was playing a game. But Mom always peeks one eye open to look at me. So then I got scared. I tried to shake her. I started crying, hoping she would grab me up and hug me close. But she didn't move. So I started screaming for Mom to just wake up, to just open her eyes. Then Sango came running in, wondering what was wrong.

We went in the ambulance. It was just like my toy except bigger. I always wished I could ride my toy cars, especially the ambulance because it makes cool noises and has all the flashing lights. But it wasn't fun at all. It smelt funny and Mom had all these wire things attached to her. They were sticking needles in her too and they hurt. I couldn't watch them do it.

And then we came here, to Miroku's work. The hospital. And now I can't stop crying. Because Mommy's still asleep, and she can't hug me better.

Kaede

I'm not exactly sure how I got here. I'm not exactly sure when I got so attached to this girl, this neighbour/employee of mine. I don't even remember when I started considering her as a friend. But she has a way of drawing people in without them even noticing. She's strange like that.

Living next-door to her was illuminating. That's the best way I can think to describe it. She just has this presence which makes you feel so at ease. It was nice to be able to have someone like her that I could rely on. Someone I could lean on, who never expected anything in return. And then as a co-worker, because even though she worked for me, it was more like we worked together. She was the best employee I ever had. The coffee shop worked like clockwork during her shifts. She always brought so many customers in, with her cheery smile and pleasant attitude.

And when I finally got her to sing… It was like magic. She took to the shop's little stage like a bird takes to flight; it was what she was born to do.

I was going to ask her to be our feature performer for Friday afternoons. Our location usually gets some big-time music producers that like to frequent the shop during the Friday rush hour. She would've caught somebody's eye. But I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Kind of like her relationship with Inuyasha. It was easy enough to see that she loved him. Kikyo figured it out too and then she tried complaining to me about it. But I told her I wasn't getting into it with her. I know Kagome and I know Kikyo. There was no way I was getting into the middle of that.

But maybe I should've. Maybe if I had, we wouldn't be here. Because I know for a fact Kikyo's decision to move to France with Inuyasha was the tipping point for Kagome. Because Inuyasha was her life line, he was the only thing keeping her head above water. And learning that he was leaving must've pushed her right off the edge and into the deep waters of depression.

Souta

Death is the story of my life. At least it has been since 6 months ago.

And I'll admit I probably should've seen it coming. I mean, Gramps was getting pretty old. But it was still a huge blow. He was the only father figure I ever had. Nobody else could replace that myth-driven, cranky old man. Nobody.

And it took some getting used to. Without him I mean. I'd see some horror movie trailer on the television and expect to hear his voice spouting off some incantation that wards off zombies or something. Or I'd be getting something out of storage and would pick up some long forgotten scroll, waiting for him to get started on some ridiculously long tangent about demons or goddesses from the moon.

It was even worse when Mom got into the car crash. I've never felt so numb. One second she's leaving the house to pick up some groceries, the next thing I know is we get a phone call from the hospital.

And it's true when they say that you never know what you have until it's gone. Mom did everything; she was the heart and soul of the entire family. She helped out everyone without us even realizing it. It must've been then when it all started to affect Kagome. She started to take Mom's role, even though she had a life of her own.

She moved back into the house, selling her apartment with Sango. Sango moved in too, along with Shippo. She dropped out of college, saying she could always get her music degree after we got back onto our feet. And then she took on 2 full time jobs, one during the day, where she worked at the coffee house and the other at night where she began waitressing at a bar. Sometimes she even ended up bartending if they were short.

And with 2 jobs on the go, Kagome worked herself to the bone. Come to think of it, it must be true when Miroku said that she hadn't slept properly in a while. Working days and nights, she must've been getting maybe 4 hours of sleep on a good day.

And now this. Now, Kagome's practically gone too. My entire family is basically dead and gone. Poof.

It makes me wish that magic was real. Makes me wish that all those stories about demons and goddesses and magic jewels that Gramps always spoke about were true. Because then maybe, I could fix everything. I could just search for some magical jewel and beg for it to grant me just one wish. To give me my family back.

But magical jewels aren't real. They just don't exist. And the reality of the situation is: I'm just a 13 year-old kid with a dead mother, a deadbeat father, no grandfather and an older sister who's in a coma.

So what am I supposed to do but cry?

Kikyo

What is the appropriate reaction? Or am I even supposed to react at all? Is there any protocol that exists for a situation like this?

My fiancé's best friend, who I've come to both respect and despise, is in a coma. And I'm torn between wanting to weep and cheer. And I know it sounds horrible, but Kagome has been such a detriment to mine and Inuyasha's relationship ever since the beginning. She's just always around him. And it makes a girl feel insecure about herself. I mean we look so similar; it's naïve to think that there wasn't ever anything going on between the two. Naïve to think that even now, there couldn't be anything between them.

Because she told me, straight to my face that she loved him. And it's not like I couldn't tell just by looking at the way she interacted with him. It was obvious; the smiles, the way she would light up whenever they came into direct contact. Hell, even the way they argued with each other!

And it was when she fell into this downward spiral of depression, losing half of her family in the span of just a few months, that they began spending all of their time together. Inuyasha would spend more time at her house than he would in our apartment. And nobody is that confident. You can't expect me not to end up having my mind wander to all the things they could've been doing together. Sure, she was hurting, but you can't expect me not have to felt neglected, not to have felt lonely.

So I did what most people would consider to be a horribly selfish thing. I gave Inuyasha an ultimatum. Move with me to France, or break the engagement. Which roughly translated was 'Choose between me and her'. And he chose me. Even though I know it killed it him on the inside, he still chose me. Even though deep down inside, I know he loves her too. More than he loves me.

But I'm a selfish person. It's the one bad habit I just can't kick. And yeah, it makes me feel guilty the majority of the time. And yeah, that time, it made me feel even guiltier than any time before. But doesn't that make up for my selfishness? The fact that I still feel like crap afterwards?

Because even though I hate her for taking so much of Inuyasha's time, for putting him through this kind of pain, I still respect her. I respect the fact that she is a good person through and through. She is at a level of purity that I can never even hope to achieve, always acting so civil and courteous and so goddamned nice to me, even though a lot of the times I don't deserve it. And I respect that she can love Inuyasha, yet still put up with me and all of my baggage of insecurities. She loves him enough to let him go.

Because when she found out that Inuyasha chose me over her, she made no complaints. She didn't even put up a fight. She respected his decision. She managed to fucking smile at me the next time she saw me. Was it a wretched smile to look at as unshed tears filled her eyes? Yes. But it was a smile all the same. And for that I respect her.

But that still leaves me with the dilemma I'm in now. Do I laugh or cry? Laugh for the possibilities that the future can now bring? Or cry for the total unfairness that the present has given this girl?

Inuyasha

I didn't hear that right.

There's no way in fucking hell that I heard that right.

Because she can't be.

She just can't.

* * *

_Drop me a line._


	4. Chapter 4

My stakes in claim mean nothing. My attempts of possession are in vain.  
I am just a servant to all words, destined to be a master of none.

-Disclaimer-

* * *

**Two  
*****The Antlers*  
****Chapter 4**

* * *

_That there was nothing that  
__I could do to save you,  
__The choir's gonna sing,  
__And this thing is gonna kill you._

* * *

Inuyasha

Are there even any words to be said anymore? Is there even any point? What are you supposed to say when someone you love so much is a coma? That she might never wake up from?

She might as well be dead.

And there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing anybody can do about it.

But what hurts the most is the knowledge that I am part of the reason she's lying there seemingly lifeless. She's here right now because of me and my own stupidity. Sango is right. It's entirely my fault. The only one to blame is me and my tendency to be a complete and utter asshole.

And I know it's not that simple. But it doesn't make it any less true. Because while it might seem pretty egotistical that I could cause the ruin of Kagome, I know exactly how much pain I was causing her whenever I left for Kikyo. Because I was feeling it too. The absence was unbearable. Her absence made me feel like I wasn't whole.

Which is why I should've been more caring. It's why I should've spent more time with her. But instead, I spent so much time trying to convince myself that I could live without her. And now it's killing me that all I can do is just sit here in this uncomfortable hospital chair and watch her lie unconscious a few meters away.

And all the things I did, or rather didn't do. All the things I said, or rather left unsaid. All the things I felt, or rather neglected to feel. All those things have just piled up into a mountain of actions that never happened, filled with caves that whisper the words which I never uttered, hiding emotions that I turned my back on. And at the peak of that mountain sits Kagome, battered, torn and helpless. And all alone as she slumbers.

But where does that leave me?

I don't know.

But I imagine that I'm stuck somewhere at the base of that ever-growing mountain, head tilted at the sky, sending prayers to every god known to man. Just so that she'll wake up. Just so that she'll open those big blue eyes of hers and smile.

I still haven't gotten an answer yet though.

And I know it's with horrible timing that I've finally come to the realization that I can't live without her. But it's true. There's no way I can. Live without her I mean. I don't even know how I ever thought I could to begin with.

And I wish… I wish that I didn't realize it until it was too late.

I just… I just wish that I could see her smile at me one more time.

And although I appreciate the fact that Kikyo is here right now, sitting beside me and supporting me... I kind of wish she'd just let go of my hand.

* * *

_Drop me a line._


End file.
